Writing Craft Part 3 – Writing Technique and Use of Language

This is the third of three blog posts on the subject of writing craft.  My last post looked at characterization, description and dialogue.  This week’s post examines the use of language and some writing mistakes that are best avoided.  This simple stuff can easily trip you up, despite knowing all the theory. 

Words matter and how you use them is important.  I believe there’s a delicate balance between the words an author writes and how the reader’s imagination interprets them.  The language used must be natural and easy for the reader to follow, drawing them into the story and immersing them in your world. 

By definition, good writing is subjective.  As with a lot of this, there’s no absolutely hard and fast rule about what does and doesn’t work, otherwise the voice of every author would be the same.  However, there are some common writing pitfalls you need to avoid.  I’ve been guilty of all the following examples.  These are the kinds of things I’m looking out for when I begin editing my novels. 

Using too many words – If one word will do, use one word, not six.  This helps with the immediacy of your writing and the flow of the story, making it easy for the reader to immerse themselves in your world.  If in doubt, try reading a particular sentence out loud.  If doesn’t sound natural or feels laboured then it needs more work.  This leads us nicely into … 

Large paragraphs – These can be difficult to read, so consider breaking these down to make it easier for the reader to work their way through the text.  Often the cause of long paragraphs is too many words – cut down anything that’s unnecessary. 

Using words no one has heard of – No one likes to feel stupid, so don’t make your readers experience that sensation.  Having a wide vocabulary is essential for an author and using a rare word in the right context is fine.  However, if your whole book is laden with characters who are ulotrichous (have curly hair), obsessed with all things jentacular (anything relating to an early breakfast) and tells the story of an unfortunate amourette (an insignificant love affair) you risk coming across as a bit of a tosser (idiot). 

Avoid repeating the same word – It sounds obvious but it’s a common mistake.  If you’ve used a word in a sentence or paragraph try and avoid repeating it, especially if they appear close together.  Otherwise, you risk this jarring with the reader and breaking the spell of the novel.  Think about using a different word that describes the same thing – there’s usually an alternative.  If all else fails, right-click on the offending item in Word and use its synonym function (been there, done that). 

Be definite – Words that qualify a statement tend to be unnecessary and only serve to weaken your writing.  The following words (in no particular order) should be on your hit list: 

• Seem

• Just

• Quite

• Probably

• Almost

• Rather

• Reasonably

• A little 

Use of the word ‘but’, ‘and’, ‘so’ – Too many of these peppered through a paragraph can stand out.  Think of other words to link your ideas together or use a full stop. 

Use of the word ‘then’ and ‘that’ – These words are often unnecessary, adding to your word count whilst contributing nothing to your story. 

Use of the word ‘suddenly’ and ‘began to’ – More words writers can overuse.  They rarely add anything to a sentence.  Delete the word and see if you think it improves the flow. 

Use of the word ‘literally’ – This is one of those words we tend say a lot in real life that should never be used in a novel.  Ever. 

Exclamation marks – Although I don’t want to get into the precise rules of grammar in this series, this is one of my pet peeves.  Whilst there are no absolutes my advice is to use these rarely.  Otherwise, there’s a danger your writing becomes breathless and immature.  For example ‘Wow!  Look at that!  It’s incredible!’ = too many exclamation marks.  Have a think about the frequency of these and use them sparingly.  In the first draft of one of my novels there were 210 exclamation marks.  In the published version there were 14. 

Show, don’t tell – This is a common piece of advice, based on the premise the reader engages more effectively with the story when the writer doesn’t do all their work for them.  They will be making their own judgements about the characters and their motivations etc. so there is no need to spell all this out for them.  By doing so, you actually impose your opinions, which can switch a reader off.  It can be hard to describe but you know it when you see it.  Compare the two sample pieces of text and see which you think is better: 

Example 1 

Carter suddenly whipped round at the sound of footsteps, realising that there was someone else in the room with him.  He raised his torch, the bright beam cutting through the darkness in the direction of the doorway that he had just come through moments before.  There was no one there.  Had he imagined the sound?  He couldn’t be sure but he was afraid and wished he hadn’t decided to come in here on his own.  This had been a mistake and he wanted to leave, right now. 

Then without warning a fist connected with Carter’s face, sending the torch spinning from his hand.  The room was lit crazily by its spiralling light before it clattered to the floor and went out, giving Carter the briefest glimpse of his black-clad assailant as he fell to the floor.  Terrified, he opened his mouth and began to scream. 

The attacker grunted and a kick landed in Carter’s chest.  He gasped and rolled with the blow, trying to get away.  He scrambled to his feet and desperately hunted for the doorway, eager to get outside and escape his attacker.  He tripped over his torch in the dark, almost pitching headfirst into the ground.  Arms outstretched, his fingertips brushed the rough plaster on the wall as he tried to find the exit.  Carter almost cried with relief as they then found the edge of the door frame.  All he had to do was run through the doorway and he would be safe! 

Carter sprinted into the open air, clutching his bruised ribs.  Hands shaking, he fumbled with the keys and it took three attempts just to unlock the car.  He was terrified that whoever was in the house was right behind him.  He threw the door open and dived behind the steering wheel, glancing back at the shadowy house and a figure dressed in black standing at the open doorway.  Carter didn’t want to linger any longer and risk being attacked again.  Instead, he gunned the engine into life and sped off down the forest road. 

[341 words] 

Example 2 

Carter whipped round at the sound of footsteps, realising there was someone else in the room with him.  He raised his torch, its bright beam cutting through the darkness, illuminating the doorway he had come through.  There was no one there.  Had he imagined the sound?  His heart was pounding as his torch swept around the room. 

A fist connected with Carter’s face, sending the torch spinning from his hand.  The room was lit crazily by its spiralling light before it clattered to the floor and went out, giving Carter the briefest glimpse of his black-clad assailant as he fell.  He uttered a terrified scream. 

The attacker grunted and a kick landed in Carter’s chest.  He gasped and rolled with the blow, trying to get away.  He scrambled to his feet and desperately hunted for the doorway.  He tripped over his torch in the dark, almost pitching headfirst into the ground.  Arms outstretched, his fingertips brushed the rough plaster on the wall as he tried to find the exit.  Carter gave a cry of relief when they brushed against the edge of the door frame. 

Carter sprinted into the open air, clutching his bruised ribs.  Hands shaking, he fumbled with the keys, taking three attempts to unlock the car.  He dived behind the steering wheel, glancing back at the shadowy house and a figure dressed in black standing at the open doorway.  Carter gunned the engine into life and sped off down the forest road. 

[245 words] 

While both passages describe the same events the second example allows the reader to draw their own conclusions without labouring the point.  The story becomes more immersive as a result.  I’ve also applied the rule of avoiding using too many words and deleting unnecessary words (such as suddenly, that, just, then and began to) as well as repeat phrases.  It’s a good example of how much the text can change between a first and second draft. 

I can’t emphasise enough how important ‘show, don’t tell’ is in elevating writing above the ordinary and pedestrian.  Your writing works best when you make a connection with the reader’s imagination and you allow them to see your story for themselves. 

Conclusion 

In this short series of posts I’ve summarised what I think are the most important things to consider when writing and editing a novel.  These are the rules of thumb I always follow, based on my own experiences and the mistakes I have made.  I hope you find them useful.